Okays   de phones is backs in order, I gots Tequilla wraps in a box and sent ta de Norths Poles....business is goods agains, yeahhhh

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Hello deres, Salty Dogs here, hows cans I solves your loves lifes

WOULD you repeats dat please...just one more times!   I DON”T believes dis.  Wheres cans you orders a dumb for your paws so you can tie Christmas bows?  Dats what I said dumb with a TH.  Is dis a test,  OH, you done talks ta Tequila and she told you I knews where ta gets one?  Hummm I tinks you finds dose in de Hallowween mags wif a nail ins dem. {click}

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Hello deres, Salty Dogs here, hows cans I solves your loves lifes

YOU STOLE WHATS for your girlsferret, you gets into lots of troubles wif de humans if you do’s dat.  Who told you anyways dat girls wants dat kinda stuffs?

OH............Tequila!  I mights have knows.  Takes dat backs and puts it in de humans hideyhold and gets you girls sometin nice, like maybes anudder boyferret. {click}

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Hello deres {deep breath} Salty Dogs here, hows cans I solves your loves life

No.      No.  Tequila doesn’t knows whos been goods nor whos been bad.  Now listen here Santa, dat girl is troubles.  If I had known she woulds have taken over up dere, I woulds never have sent her dere.  Well, I means, I wouldn’t have lets her go.  I means I don’t know how she gots dere....she gots sometin picks outs for my gifts?  REAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLYYYYY  for me?  Cans I guess whats it is, will you tells me if I gets warm, does I wears it, or chews it  or eats it, has I gotta shares it, tellme tellme, tellme.  Well, den Santa maybes you better listen to dat girl.  No questions I’s been goods. {pause}  {listen}

Whys should I gets her sumptin for Christmas?  I’s ta do whats????? gives her equal times in my column.....or she’ll what???  Dats not Christmas, dats blacksmails.......Santa  I tinks we shoulds go in tagether and finds a ways ta puts a stops ta dis girl for she gets too involved. Now  pissstistgummtish and then we tishpissssposhpoo and den wawahalolubob