| Okays de phone lines are nows opens for does of yous havin
problems wif your love lifes. I’s de stud muffin and I’s gots
answers ---Now whys you laughin Oxydol? No, I don’ts remember
comings homes from de vets druggy on 5-13-98. Just goes back in
dere and picks a fight or sump tin. Dis is MY column and if I
wants to be called a stud muffin, I’s de stud muffin.
RRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG
Hello dere, dis is Salty Dogs here. Hows cans I fix dat
broken hearts?
Gee, lets sees, just makes my skins crawls tinkin of dem.
How comes your humain ain’t gots rids of dem. _{scratch scratch
scratch}
Oh yah, deres lots of stuff dey cans buys or use: peroxide,
ear cleaner, oils. Grandma does dis torture every months just
to gets de wax and prevents an infestation {shifting to the
other side scratch scratch scratch} wish you hadn’t mentioned
ear mites. Its so darn annoying dem little bittin bugs, dey
won’ts stops til dey gets thru to de eardrums wheres you can’ts
walks straight and you can’ts hears no mores, as if’n we don’ts
have enough troubles wif our hearing all readys.
Wells, if de humains don’ts knows you gots em, ya gots ta
shows dem its a problem. Catch dem relaxin, crawls up on em and
sticks your ear over dere nose – de odor’ll takes dere minds off
dat TV for a bit, or waits for a visitor, runs to dem and when
dey picks you up be sures ta rubs dat ear discharge on dem,
dey’ll lecture your humains for neglecting you likes dat. Or you
cans just shakes your head really hards all de times cause does
tings hurt and walks sideways ta de left 6 steps ta de rights 4
den backs ta de lefts. {scratch scratch scratch, shiver} You
cans scratch your ears likes I’s doin {scratch scratch scratch}
but be careful dey don’t tinks yous got fleas and you finds
yourself amerced in a fleas baths, yukkk foul tastin stuffs.
But by all means you don’ts needs no love life nows as does
tings will spread like wild fires til everybodies you knows has
dem, your dog friend de pesty cats, everybodies but de humains
gets em .
OUGH OH, here comes Grandma wif dat bottle. NO NO GRANDMA,
I’s just tink abouts ear mites, I don’ts gots dem, HONESTY. Hey
just a minutes here, you done did dat 2 weeks ago, HEY puts me
down, I says, AH GRAAAAANNNNNNNNNDDDDDDMAAAAAAAAAA
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